Successful parenting of your children during lockdown

1. Encourage your child to focus on what they have rather than on what they don’t have. Others might be more familiar with “Count your blessings” or developing a sense of gratitude. Encourage your child to open up their palm and counting off with their fingers 5 things that are going well today. A gratitude journal or list is a powerful means of uplifting the spirit & giving us all the courage we need. One can expand this to making a gratitude collage from old magazines in the house, writing a list with a whiteboard marker onto a mirror for each family to add their unique perspective. I’d like to invite you to celebrate being alive as a family- most of us have so many abilities – we can see, hear, talk, move with freedom-write a poem together, say a prayer, start anew with sitting at the table once a day for a meal, you’d be amazed at the conversation that develops.
2. Set up a Constructive daily routine – Children need to be encouraged to focus on the NOW, what you can do today rather than what you can’t do. You will need to get “buy in” so work with the child as you write up the roster: include some form of exercise, reading, homework and socialising within the home such as board games etc If they appear bored encourage problem solving- “What would you suggest to a friend who is also bored/tired of limitations to their freedom? Let’s try those ideas.”
3. Encourage your child to gain insight that he/she can choose their perspective of the situation- Use some ambiguous pictures, plenty available on the net eg rabbit or duck /frog or horse, to demonstrate how the same situation can be viewed from 2 different perspectives. Lockdown can be seen as boring or as an opportunity to develop skills of creativity and flexibility both qualities that are needed in our modern world. Then encourage your child to choose the positive- How can I choose to make my living space nicer for me & my family? How can I help in the home? How can I be creative? How can I be a blessing today?
4. Affirm verbally any positive qualities you notice during the day-child being helpful towards a younger sibling, assisting with a chore, remember to clean up after an activity, positive attitude, completing homework exercise. The 3A’s – Acknowledge , Affirm, Appreciate.
5. Enjoy recreation time as a family, have fun and also allow some “free time” for your child to just “be” and do what they enjoy….
6. Become intentional in conversing with your child regarding the virus, and avoid elaborating on negative statistics such as the death toll. You can reassure them that as a family you will be together to manage whatever comes up. It would be wise to monitor their TV viewing to ensure fears are not being magnified. Remember that anxiety is contagious but so is a positive attitude, so be mindful of the influence of your conversations at home.

Helping kids to cope with overwhelming emotions of frustration or anxiety during the Lockdown period.

1. Helping your child to articulate their feelings is essential. -Let them know you are available and approachable and that it’s okay to not always be the best version of yourself and its okay to sometimes feel scared. We can’t promise that there will be no problems or pain in life, but they need to know that you will be available to listen to them. Be emotionally available for your child. – Affirm and reassure with positive words, hug, gentle pat on the back etc I’m sure you are familiar with the saying “Love is spelt TIME” so allocate special quality time for family bonding despite being ‘all together’ for lockdown eg eat a meal at a table, UNO or board games, make a picnic on lounge floor etc
2. Encourage constructive venting if your child is feeling frustrated, overwhelmed, confused or angry and is unable to verbalise their emotions. Let the child find their unique way of venting emotions- punch bag, kick a ball, draw, scrunch paper into a ball and throw at wall, shred old paper, squeeze a pillow, pull apart a large prestik blob, journal, dig in the garden.
3. Encourage healthy self-soothing activities that could include listening to music, draw, massage earlobes, deep breathing (inhale through your nose to the count of 3, exhale through your mouth to the count of 4) playing with the family pet. Other ideas include using the thumb of your strongest hand to massage the opposite palm in a circular motion, massage lotion into hands and feet, relaxing bath/shower, watch a feel-good movie, reading a favourite storybook.
4. Encourage a sense of Mastery in different areas- Depending on the child’s age and capability invite them while under supervision to assist you with cooking, washing the car, gardening, spring cleaning or routine chores/home maintenance. Let them have some power in choosing -family game to play once a week, where to eat a meal, type of meal etc This involvement in expanding their skills will help dispel the sense of monotony and lethargy that children sometimes develop when living in a confined environment.

I want to encourage parents to persevere with these little people who are battling with so many emotions during this period of Lockdown. Don’t lose heart, parenting is difficult particularly where close proximity can put us on edge and result in people unintentionally aggravating each other. As with any parent, I would encourage you to allocate some “breathers” for you to self-nurture, even 10-15 minutes a day “breather” can offer sanity from all the demands if you use the time to do ‘what makes you whole’ – brief gym workout, gardening, reading, prayer, yoga, home manicure.

The purpose of my practice is to equip people with skills to cope with life issues. If you experience frustrations with the above issues and would like to arrange counselling via WhatsApp or even zoom during the lockdown, you are welcome to email me at info@lesleycounselling.co.za